Domestic violence is a fundamental abuse of power and the abuser’s aim is to take control of another’s life – whether they realise it or not. This means that any evidence of a person’s decisions being controlled or manipulated by their partner or family member could mean that person is suffering some form of domestic abuse. Domestic abuse can manifest itself in a variety of ways, which are illustrated in the image below and compared to a healthy partner:
Here are some examples of the behaviour someone in an abusive relationship could be experiencing:
- Are they jealous and possessive?
- Do they cut him/her off from family and friends and try to isolate them?
- Are they charming one minute and abusive the next, do thye have sudden changes of mood – like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde?
- Do they control their partner’s life – for example money, who they should see, what they should wear?
- Do they monitor their partner’s movements?
- Do they blame their partner for the abuse?
- Do they humiliate or insult them in front of others?
- Do they verbally abuse them?
- Do they constantly criticise them?
- Do they use anger and intimidation to frighten them and to make them comply with demands?
- Do they tell their partner they’re useless and couldn’t cope without them?
- Have they threatened to hurt their partner or people close to their partner if they leave?
- Does their partner change their behaviour to avoid making them angry and triggering an attack?
- Do they force their partner to have sex when they don’t want to?
There are many ways that a person can be abusive, here we list a few examples:
- Damaging possessions.
- Smashing up the furniture.
- Terrorising them by doing things they know will scare them
- Threatening to kill the pets.
- Threatening to kidnap the children if they leaves.
- Locking their partner out of the house during an argument.
The aim of the behaviour, whether conscious or unconscious – is to take control of the victim’s life. Domestic violence is an abuse of power – it’s all about power and control.
If you are being abused, it may help to remember this:
- You’re not alone, one woman in four is abused during her lifetime.
- You don’t have to deal with this on your own.
- The abuse is not your fault.
- You cannot change your partner.
- Domestic violence is against the law.