How can I stay safe?

You may not feel like you can leave your relationship right now, and that’s ok. If you’re in an abusive relationship, the first step is telling someone that you trust and seeking specialist support from your local domestic abuse service to create a safety plan together. When you’re ready, please get in touch.

In the meantime, we’ve put together some advice on how you could reduce risk, and make yourself feel safer and more prepared for when you’re ready to leave.

• In an emergency, always call 999 and share your location. If you can’t speak in that moment, cough or tap the phone and press 55 to alert the police of an emergency and leave the line open for them to monitor the situation. You may also want to teach your children how to call 999 and ask for help.
• Tell someone you trust what is going on, this may be a friend, colleague or family member.
• Plan one or two safe places to go in an emergency, such as a friend or family member’s house, or the police station.
• Keep important phone numbers of safe contacts and support helplines on you, if possible memorise these numbers.
• Consider purchasing a pay-as-you-go phone and hiding it in a safe place in case of an emergency, with phone numbers of safe people to contact.
• Carry emergency money on you, this will enable you to use public transport, payphone etc. if you need to in an emergency.
• Develop a code word or signal with friends or family so that you can ask for help in an emergency. For example, texting them ‘pie’ means you need them to call 999.
• Gather proof of identity (passport, driving licence, birth certificate) and make copies of important papers (insurance, benefits, finances) and store them somewhere safe.
• Prepare a bag of essentials for yourself, and your children, and store it somewhere safe or with a trusted person. This could include spare clothes, medicine, important documents, spare keys, money etc.
• Plan escape routes from your home, and places that you visit frequently. Rehearse an escape with your children in case of an emergency.
• If you can, speak to a trusted neighbour about your situation and ask them to call the police if they hear sounds of a violent situation.
• Share your safety plan with a trusted person.

If you are thinking about leaving an abusive relationship, we recommend planning this moment out and being prepared for the next steps. Leaving can be the most dangerous time, so creating a safety plan can increase your safety. You can get in touch with our specialist team who can create a safety plan with you, and support you in fleeing to safety.

In the meantime, we’ve put together some advice on how you could reduce risk, and prepare yourself for leaving.

• Keep a record of any abusive behaviour that you experience, including violence and coercive control. This will support you in the future if you choose to take the route of legal action. When collecting evidence, consider details such as: date/time, what was said or done and photos. Visit the GP or the hospital if you are injured and report all abuse to the police if you can.
• Seek support from a specialist domestic abuse service to understand your legal rights and options after fleeing.
• Have a bag of essentials packed (clothes, cash, spare phone, keys, medicine etc.) and stored securely, or with a trusted friend/family member, so that you can leave quickly.
• Keep important documents in a secure place, or with a trusted friend/family member. This can include your passport, driving license, National Insurance card, birth certificate, marriage certificate, financial information etc.
• Plan where you will flee to and only tell very trusted people this information.

Once you have fled, you will be able to return to your property with police support to collect your other items.

Although the relationship has ended, the domestic abuse may not always end at the same time. If you continue to experience abuse following the end of your relationship, you can get in touch with our specialist team to make a safety plan together.

In the meantime, we’ve put together some advice on how you could reduce risk following the end of the relationship.

• Change your routine, such as shopping in different places or supermarkets, go at different times and use different routes.
• Where you can’t change your routine, try to choose a safe or different route to which they may be aware of, such as regular appointments, work, school run etc.
• If they had a key to your property, change your locks and always ensure windows and doors are as secure as possible.
• You may want to install additional security measures at home, such as a Ring doorbell, new alarm or sensor security lighting.
• Change all of your passwords, such as your phone, emails, social media, bank log ins, apps etc.
• If able to do so, block them on social media and their phone number. If you need to stay in contact, make your number untraceable by dialling 141 before dialling their number, or use a pay-as-you-go phone.
• If it’s changed, inform those who look after your children about who has permission to collect them. If you have an injunction, give a copy to the school or childminder.
• Turn off GPS and location tracking in your phone apps.
• When at work, ask people to screen your calls for you.